Butterfly Chronicles

When you have to shred your inner self in front of others, vulnerability is high. Attempting to explain your, pain, depression,  anguish, and fear are heavy weights to expose, especially to strangers. Yet hundreds each year sit before a judge who knows nothing more than what’s on the paper in front of them. Disability judges have no clue what our daily struggles consist of, yet they have heavy judgment to pass. Can you imagine trying to explain how you can’t get out of bed, or how taking a shower some days is impossible. Those in such offices should be educated about each and every chronic illness not matter how rare. Fairness has become a luxury these days, we must keep fighting this battle though.

Thank you to all those who have been waiting for my big news. I live in the Atlanta area and have been interviewed by a local magazine about this blog…Yes chronicsuperwomaninmymind is being recognized as a blog to help those on their chronic illness journey. This is super exciting for me and I appreciate all the support. Since the weather here is terrible right now, I m ending the blog here to start a day of self care in order to survive. Until next week..look for rainbows after every storm.

I chatted with a good friend recently who told me she read a book that talked about shame “gremlins”. The connection was we are shamed into doing things to keep up a persona. I don’t want to let them down, I don’t want to appear weak, I m not lazy. All these can be considered shame “gremlins “. If we don’t feed into them they won’t grow into terrifying monsters we can’t control and ultimately lead the demise of our health. Respecting our limitations is not only smart but safe. Denial can be a danger in the case of chronic illness. It can cause us to push beyond our limits to please ourselves or others. Be comfortable in your new skin, take care of yourself in to be the best you that you can be.

The start of pain..a storm, a cold front, even rain. Barometric pressure can be your worst enemy when dealing with chronic pain. Now I don’t have a degree in biology, but I feel how my body reacts when the barometric pressure drops or does anything else. It’s a crippling effect and likely my most painful flares. Doing research on the matter enlightened me so much about the beating this puts on a broken body. It’s great to stay ahead of it, but it’s so unpredictable it’s almost impossible. Keeping an eye on the sky (monitoring the weather) helps to reduce high inflammatory issues. Staying consistent with an anti-pain regimen can prove a smart move. By the way, bundle up it’s cold out there!

Hi! I’d like for you to meet me and my greatest inspiration, my son Ian. Having him in my life helps me push through the unimaginable. I work really hard to set an example for him to be brave and understanding of those who are different from you. He’s done so well and I’m really proud of him, but there’s more work to do. This has made me think too of how not being able to do certain things doesn’t make us failures, it makes us conscious and smart. We are aware of our limitations and listen when our bodies are communicating with us. We don’t give in on every whim, but pause when we need to. Focus on the things and people who make you happy. Happy helps push you through the hardest times in life. Stay tuned for exciting info about the blog!

As an adult I look forward to summer time cook outs where they have glow sticks for the kids. Yes, I’m the big kid waving my glow stick like a prize. The above quote really put into perspective the idea of bringing joy and shining brightly to others. We engulf ourselves constantly with thoughts of brokenness we don’t stop and think how we shine in certain circumstances. This thought has given me so much solace, I can sleep soundly another night. See you soon fellow glowsticks!

I thought I’d start off this year with a positive thought..last year may have been really rough but each day is a new beginning. Be determined to be positive. Be determined to be realistic. Be determined to be proud of all the things you accomplish. Be determined that at your lowest you are still appreciative. Be determined to be in love with yourself no matter how anybody else feels. We look at a bleak outlook far to often it’s time to bring sunshine in lives and look for rainbows after the storm. Thanks to all of you that have been allowing me to Chronic Superwoman in My Mind for this past year…Let’s attack 2020 with greatness.

In one of my quiet moments of thought, what are some mental things I can do to help this journey be a little easier. Contentment came to mind..being satisfied with little victories. We take small victories for granted at times because we want and miss doing so much more. Mental contentment means thinking on the things we made it through no matter how small and celebrating the victory. So many have given up because they just can’t take it anymore, not another day. Pondering over the so called small things can help us take that extra step even when we don’t feel like it, knowing we are fighting through this another minute more. Contentment is so hard to pull for,  we see red, we feel red (inflammation). Where does this satisfaction come from? It comes from the fight still left within us when we open our eyes everyday to it all over again.

I’ve been thinking about a statement someone said about not discrediting someone’s feelings. This is a huge issue for chronic illness warriors. Whether it’s how much pain we are in, or if we choose pharmaceutical medicine over natural remedies. People choices are theirs and they shouldn’t be made to feel a certain way about it . To discredit someone takes their self esteem to an all time low, that’s counter productive. As we’re pushing through day by day find bigger ways to make others feel important and loved.

At the beginning of this journey you realize you will never be the individual you’ve always known. There begins an acceptance,  a grieving period of the person in yourself you lost. I recently started to wonder if this makes me fearful of my future… Do I hold back from doing things that used to come naturally? Do people see the pain I’m hiding when we converse? Who am I now, and will I keep changing? All these questions were bought on by a simple task that I’ve taken on several times. Now, I have anxiety as to the outcome. You feel your future weighs in the balance based on how you feel everyday. Will my past continue to follow and haunt me around every corner of my life? I’ll have to wait and see, put up a shield of faith and fight these demons, while trying to tame this person I have become.