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When Time Stands Still…..

Time waits for no one, including those with chronic illness. My time lately has been trying to figure out why am I feeling worst than usual… I was able to find out that my body was fighting two, yes two infections without any help. Now comes the recovery period, and I’m so tired trying to press forward to do regular every day things. Well there is light at the end of the tunnel, but where is my end? It’s so dark…In my mind there has to stay a positive button. Someone please push it for me….I need a skittles rainbow to form…immediately.

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When Anxiety Strikes

Have you ever had one of those days when everything wrong turns into overwhelming anxiety? Yes, we all have.. that’s when you learn the importance of taking deep breaths. I couldn’t believe the spiral downward I was taking. That’s when I just had to stop everything. Life as I knew was taking over. As I sat there to gather all the shrapnel from my day, I found the super glue to put it all back together. Now that same glue doesn’t work every time, but fortunately I have more tricks up my sleeve. Putting things into real perspective takes out the unnecessary anxiety that looks to weigh us down. If you don’t pause to take in the roses so to speak, you will miss all the other beautiful scenery. This beautiful scenery I learned today is what calms down that overwhelming sense of drowning. So please stop and smell all the flowers.

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Healing Until Further Notice…

Have you ever had one of those weeks when the white flag was in your hand? This was me, so me. I was on full surrender. I decided to get my booster vaccine a week ago. I did great the first day, the next morning when I woke up I felt like two trains hit me. Body aches, fever, bones aching. This was way too much!! Unfortunately I had to ride this out all week. In some ways I’m still recovering. Now this is not to discourage any one from getting the vaccine. Whatever you choose to do is your personal decision. Those of my spoonie friends, when you get your boosters, prepare for a full on flare. An angry flare… These are some if the unexpected twist and turns of chronic illness. Not excuse me as I continue to piece myself together.

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Pushing Through…

It’s been a long month, filled with spiritual enlightenment. I’m tired in ways I can’t explain and now since I’ve pushed my limits in November, I want to sleep through December. This blog is about finding a bright side to your chronic illness journey. Realistically, days like today are a little cloudy out of sheer exhaustion and pain. While I’m proud to have met my 30 hour volunteer goal to bring hope for the future to many, it’s time to recharge until I decide what mountainous goal I’d like to reach yet. For now, rest with me. Enjoy quiet moments, collect your thoughts, detox your feelings and recharge.

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Goal Diving…

When you fight with a chronic illness on a daily basis you find it hard to set goals. You wonder, will I feel well enough to achieve it? Will I suffer a flare if I push myself? How will I feel after? The questions never end. I have committed to spending 30 hours of work for a special campaign in my community. Fear and doubt crept in long ago. I fight it each day as I’m more and more tired. One is sure ,I WON’T QUIT. Stay tuned to see if my diving for goal treasure hits the mark.

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Fight or Flight..

Hey there, I’m not sure how ya’ll are or have been doing. It’s been rough over here for me..just one brick hit after another. I’m actually tired of being tired, imagine that. Fighting off the dark dragons of depression because my least favorite seasons have arrived. When you deal with chronic pain, your body goes through season changes. Mine is totally rebelling and protesting any change. I don’t think we will start being friends again in the spring. Until then…I just don’t know. I’m setting new goals to achieve to keep my mind busy while these changes keep forming. We’ll see if this helps get me through winter. Stay bundled up ya’ll.

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Fighting Through

Whew… have you ever had one of those weeks, days, or even months where you felt like you had to fight through all of the days just to survive? Welcome to the time of year healthy people love ,but chronic warriors hate to see. Yes we deal with things all year, but during fall and winter we feel, depressed, alone,angry, helpless,hopeless, and of course in pain. We struggle to find days with sunshine and warmth. Yet each year, we fight through. There is some positive word, token of love, phone call from a friend, or even our journals that help us push that much harder. I said all this to say, please be extra patient with is this time of year. We are a bit more fragile.

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Happy Fall.. or Not

Fall is a favorite time of year for many of my family and friends. While we are surrounded by beautiful pictures of nature,the pain goes us for your chronic illness friends. If there was ever a time to keep us in mind it’s now. The flares increase, and depression goes up. In reality no one likes to be in constant non stop pain. I look forward to spring and summer for selfish reasons. Sitting on the beach in 30 degree weather isn’t ideal. One bright thing about it, I can catch up on all my reading.

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Ups and Downs…

There are certain times during chronic illness when you feel absolutely super,which is equivalent to everyone else’s normal. At other times you are literally dragging the floor. These ups and downs can really mess with your mental and emotional health. What do you do to pull yourself up? At times I’m great cheering myself up..other times I just stay down for a while because I’m too tired and in too much pain to care. Reading one if my favorite books, or watch good movie puts a little pep in my step. My favorite pick me up is really good conversations with great supportive friends. Try it sometimes,it can only go up from here.

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Have You Ever Wondered…

Have you ever wondered where would I be if I wasn’t a chronic illness warrior? What would I be doing, would I be as understanding and kind as I am now? Would I appreciate the small things? Would I look intentionally for things to smile about every day? Would I be a better me, or the me before I had time to sit down and think about important things? These thoughts came to me the other day, and it actually made me smile. You can find beauty even in the darkest of storms.