Here’s the thing, there will always be ignorant, classless people. End of story, that doesn’t mean we don’t talk about them.. The other day I joking asked someone if they could get me a job where they work. The answer I received was “We don’t hire people who are sick and can’t come to work”. At the beginning my feelings were hurt because of the lack of compassion shown for my illness and the fact that it was implied that I had some type of control over it. I was so irritated,  then I realized this is who I am and I will continue to do what I can, when I can without pressure from anyone. Don’t let others look down on you for who you have become because of your illness.

One of the things no one prepares you for with chronic illness is weight gain. Before getting sick I was a small framed individual. From the illness and medications I gained about 50 pounds. It’s a double edged sword because weight is the enemy, it’s the friend to inflammation and pain. Exercising is so painful that it causes flares or worse other conditions.  Last time I was at the gym I was diagnosed with bursitis. It’s gotten me weary of of going back even though I know I need to.  It’s a scary thought but I’ve got to fight through the fear because moving is power.

One of may favorite things to do is public speaking. I had to practically cut this out of my life after I got sick. My anxiety would literally attack my body and I just couldn’t perform well. Today, I ‘ve conquered a huge hurdle for me..public speaking after 4 years of silence.  The feeling of success is a high that’s unexplainable but epic. I felt great and saw a brief beautiful peek at myself and who I used to be. Laying my head down very satisfied to fight another day.

One important thing I’ve learned about dealing with a chronic illness is that plans always change. I had to take time last week to completely care for myself. I had a severe crisis that sent me straight to the doctor. Bed for 3 days was a must. Life had caught up in the worse way. My soldiers in armour came through with food and transporting me to my appointments. Having to concede to a flare feels like you are being punished for living, on the other hand each time you get to see how much stronger you’ve become. I hope I was slightly missed by someone who reads this blog, if so continue to push through. I ‘m back!

Seasonal Affective Disorder better known as SAD affects many people during this season. It’s a depression caused by the season. Yes, it’s difficult for many to focus,  get out of bed or merely function. Keep those with chronic illnesses in your thoughts…sad can and will strike at any moment. I’ve been a victim of sad myself and fighting off the winter blues is very hard. Keep the warriors in your life busy with love, care, and attention. Turn sad into glad.

Dealing with a chronic illness is never pretty, put discouragement in the recipe and you have nothing short of emotional disaster. I applied for disability last November,  I have been denied twice even though I have multiple chronic illnesses. The results conclude I can still move my arms and legs, therefore I can perform some type of work. Please explain that to the company who fired me, please tell them about the ADA accommodations they were required to make for my job,  please make them rehire me. That’s right you can’t. You can’t make anyone hire me. When you select the “I have a disability box” you are immediately cast aside for the healthy person. This is the struggle I ‘ve been given, the cards I ‘be been dealt. I have to go to battle with a formidable enemy. Here I stand…

I can’t tell you how many times I ‘ve scratched an invisible itch. As odd as this may sound it’s so very true. Having a chronic illness that deals with nerves it can cause a really insatiable itch in different parts of the body. I tried lotions of all types, nothing helped. Finally when talking to a fellow warrior about the issue she suggested benadryl. Really…. I was just as confused as you. Surprisingly it worked. Now benadryl is my go to for chronic itch. This is one of the times a hack actually worked. Sometimes you have to go out on a limb…especially with chronic illness.

I was reminded today that sometimes I have to cleanse my feelings and cry when I hurt or when I’m frustrated.  I m so used to being strong for myself and everyone else I forget about me. Sometimes we try so hard to prove we are the same people, in reality we are not. I think my friends think me indifferent but really I’m trying to process these weird feelings I have. I don’t know about you, but sometimes I can just scream from the frustration of not being able to control this abnormality. I then see things like the quote above and realize that just maybe I was chosen to be a warrior because I am strong enough, I am a super woman, I can weather this storm, and when I can’t it’s ok to cry.

I have been taking advantage of every once if energy I possess lately. Now that my tank is running on fumes I feel I need an entire day of rest coming soon. A day where I move just enough that my family knows I ‘m alive. This is one of the most important parts of self care for me. Without my rest I send myself into painful flares. It’s not fun to make yourself stop, but it’s worse when your body shuts down and makes you stop. Lessons learned from experience,  listen to the signals your body gives. Now, let me go find my favorite blanket.

Typically a grieving process is had at the beginning of a diagnosis of chronic illness. Many believe that once it’s over, it’s over.  That is so far from the truth. There are memories of our former selves that cause is to long for the person we used to be. We look in the mirror at times and not know who we’re looking at. The tired eyes, the sad face, the overall sadness..these things are new and stay new because it’s not who we are inside. Warm air hugs to those fighting this strange, strong battle everyday. You are not alone..